Forgive Yourself

I recently blogged about the Beauty of Forgiveness.

https://ellieholmesauthor.wordpress.com/2017/04/09/the-beauty-of-forgiveness/

That blog spoke about the need to let go of anger and bitterness because nursing old hurts and grievances reverberates negatively within us and ultimately hurts us far more than the original hurt perpetrated against us.

This week I want to talk about forgiveness again but this time a different aspect – forgiving yourself.

We all have instances in our lives where we wish we had said or done something at a particular time but, for whatever reason, we did not. The guilt associated with missed opportunities particularly involving loved ones who are no longer here can be sharp. We know if they were here they would tell us not to worry about it and yet we still beat ourselves up.

Negative Emotions
Emotions Explained by GollyGForce courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/jp8Yf4 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

I am not a person who generally holds grudges or nurses bad feelings. I am quick to forgive and yet I do not tend to offer myself the same compassion for my own misdemeanours and transgressions.

Compassion
And May They Rise Up #compassion by Leigh Blackall courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/uwZgLu https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

This is because I hold myself to impossibly high standards. I always expect to excel and should I fall short, I berate myself about it:- I’m not good enough, I didn’t work hard enough etc.,

The trouble is I always reach for the stars and because I am only human, I am consequently setting myself up to fail more often than not. Why is it I always think I can cram so many things into a limited number of hours and wind up feeling tired and dispirited when I haven’t ticked everything off my stuff to do list for instance? Sound familiar?

So I have decided to make a concerted effort not to be so hard on myself in the future, to be a little bit more compassionate and kind to myself as well  as to others. We all fail and make mistakes. It’s how we learn to become better people.

Forgiving myself for such mistakes is a small step but an important one.

Begin Again
Buddha Quote by Hartwig HKD courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-ND 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/dtMGUq https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

The Beauty of Forgiveness

We have all been in situations were people have treated us harshly. Sometimes we deserved it. Sometimes we didn’t. It is only natural that we are going to react defensively when we perceive someone is attacking us, even if it is only with words. Our heart rate increases, our blood pressure goes up and anger kicks in.

But this is not a state of mind or body we should hang on to. Holding on to old hurts, nursing those grievances for weeks, months or even years, is always going to hurt us more than it will ever hurt the perpetrators of the original hurt.

Forgiveness
Forgiveness by Susan Ackeridge courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/GgrwVn https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

We cannot all exhibit saintliness and constantly react well to bad situations but the art of moving on quickly is the key to our own health and happiness. Nurturing anger, jealousy or hate will only reverberate negatively within us. Make peace with your anger and let it go. Try to understand that the person or people who have done you wrong were probably hurting themselves, lashing out at whatever was in front of them, weighed down by their own troubles. Few people in the world are truly evil. Most have simply had the odds stacked against them since birth and are overburdened by the memories of traumas we could not imagine unless we walked in their shoes.

Forgive2
Forgive by MeganLynette courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-ND 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/8Rjhee https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.

Procrastination – to do it or not to do it?

I bet you’re like me, there are jobs to be done, there is even time to do them in and yet somehow they always slip down the list of priorities and languish at the bottom while new, more exciting tasks sail in ahead of them.

procastinator
Procrastination by Rachel Fisher courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/9bwvsv https://goo.gl/OOAQfn

I am a procrastinator. I don’t want to be. I’d like to train myself not to be but it is a difficult path to tread as the habit is a long held one and tough to break.

The really annoying thing about being a procrastinator is the fact that the whole time I am steadfastly ignoring the tasks I can never really succeed in forgetting about them. They are always there, catching my attention and reminding me of my inability to get jobs done. A constant, low level, niggle at the back of my mind. So, procrastinating does not make me feel better. It actually makes me feel worse. And yet, I still do it!

procrastinators-unitejpg
Procrastinators Unite by Andreas Gohr courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/5Zjyu7 https://goo.gl/OOAQfn

Of equal annoyance is the fact that when, finally, I do get around to dealing with the things I have been putting off, most of the time I find they are not that time consuming, nor difficult nor troublesome which leaves me wondering why it was such a struggle for me to get on with them in the first place. And oh the blessed relief I feel when I can tick that irksome job off my stuff to do list. Now that is a good feeling.

We all live such busy lives. We are all overburdened with duties and chores. It’s all too easy to eschew the boring and routine and concentrate instead on the more interesting aspects of our lives but unless we’re wealthy enough to employ others to do our bidding, we are all going to have to tackle those dull tasks some time.

I am going to try to make a concerted effort not to put things off for any longer than absolutely necessary. I am going to start small and work up to the big stuff. I am determined this is the year I am going to GET STUFF DONE. Wish me luck. I will try to let you know how I get on – assuming I get around to writing that particular blog, of course 😉

finish-line
Finish Line by Sean MacEntee courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/82V5JK https://goo.gl/sZ7V7x

 

Permission to Fly

So, New Year, New Start, New You!?

fireworks
Fireworks by Epic Fireworks courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/dh7QsJ    https://goo.gl/NoSi5F

Everywhere you look there are people telling you to be thinner, fitter, happier and healthier. They are promising you quick fixes to difficult problems. All you have to do is buy into their message and all will be well. For them, maybe. Financially. Call me a cynic but I don’t think we need any of these so called experts to show us the way. Most of what they peddle is common sense dressed up in fancy new clothes. If we stopped to think we’d probably know a lot of this stuff already and we could certainly use our intelligence to fill in any gaps.

We have all succumbed to the marketing skills of the New Year salesmen and women at one time or another. None of us is immune. They tap into the need within all of us to mark the start of a new year in a positive way. We are all keen to begin again. Whatever mistakes we made last year, the new year is a clean slate. We haven’t made any bad calls yet. We haven’t exercised any questionable judgement. We will, you know. It’s just a question of when but for the moment our slate is still shiny and untarnished.

empty-pages
Empty Pages 2 by Arden courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/5v8D1B   https://goo.gl/W5xstv

So if we have the ability within ourselves to tackle our own problems why do we, year after year, invest in the merry go round of New Year promises the gurus make on our behalves?   I think it comes down to belief. We have the knowledge, we have the ability. What we want is to put our faith in someone other than ourselves because we know ourselves only too well, right? We want to believe in the New Year Salesperson’s spiel because if we follow what they say to the letter we won’t fail this time. We won’t be the person we were before, the one who tripped and fell, the vulnerable one, the one who started with the best of intentions but faltered when things got hard. This time we’ll be a better version of ourselves, a new version.

If you want to be thinner, fitter, happier and healthier in 2017 I wish you all the best. They are worthy goals. But I think the best gift you can yourselves for the New Year is to promise yourself you will try to be fearless. I don’t mean reckless. I mean fearless.

be-fearless
Youngsters are fearless by Tony Alter courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/ejvuiV   https://goo.gl/NoSi5F

Don’t let your self doubt or your inhibitions hold you back.

There’s a whole world out there. Be fearless and give yourself permission to fly.

take-off
Take off by Daria courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/okkJ7   https://goo.gl/NoSi5F

 

Progress?

So here’s the thing, I’m an independent woman who pays all her own bills, both employed and self employed, I’m used to juggling priorities and commitments. I can do things today that my own grandmothers could only have dreamed of but that cuts both ways.

Both my grandmothers were talented seamstresses. In those days lots of women were, you had to be to make ends meet. Make and mend was the way most working class families got by. Women with needlework skills could not only make clothes for their families, provide soft furnishings for the house and repair any damage done, they could also supplement the household income by taking in work for others. It was an essential skill in days gone by.

seamstress
The Seamstress by Texasbubba courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/6cUzwC  https://goo.gl/OOAQfn

Now here’s my confession – I can’t sew to save my life. Well, that’s a slight exaggeration. If someone had a gun to my head I could probably sew a button on. How long it would remain on is not something I would want to stick around to found out but at a push I could do it. Make my own clothes?! Forget about it. Even if I had the inclination (which I don’t), the skills would be sadly lacking and any item I managed to produce I probably wouldn’t want to be seen dead in.

seamstress-basics
Seamstress Basics by Anika courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CCO 1.0 Public Domain

https://flic.kr/p/umk5Qx  https://goo.gl/WJLbKh

And that, as Carrie Bradshaw used to say, got me to thinking. Would my grandmothers be disappointed that the skills they once deemed essential had been lost to their granddaughter or would they be pleased that I live and thrive in a world where those skills are no longer deemed necessary? I like to think the latter. How about you?