Forgive Yourself

I recently blogged about the Beauty of Forgiveness.

https://ellieholmesauthor.wordpress.com/2017/04/09/the-beauty-of-forgiveness/

That blog spoke about the need to let go of anger and bitterness because nursing old hurts and grievances reverberates negatively within us and ultimately hurts us far more than the original hurt perpetrated against us.

This week I want to talk about forgiveness again but this time a different aspect – forgiving yourself.

We all have instances in our lives where we wish we had said or done something at a particular time but, for whatever reason, we did not. The guilt associated with missed opportunities particularly involving loved ones who are no longer here can be sharp. We know if they were here they would tell us not to worry about it and yet we still beat ourselves up.

Negative Emotions
Emotions Explained by GollyGForce courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/jp8Yf4 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

I am not a person who generally holds grudges or nurses bad feelings. I am quick to forgive and yet I do not tend to offer myself the same compassion for my own misdemeanours and transgressions.

Compassion
And May They Rise Up #compassion by Leigh Blackall courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/uwZgLu https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

This is because I hold myself to impossibly high standards. I always expect to excel and should I fall short, I berate myself about it:- I’m not good enough, I didn’t work hard enough etc.,

The trouble is I always reach for the stars and because I am only human, I am consequently setting myself up to fail more often than not. Why is it I always think I can cram so many things into a limited number of hours and wind up feeling tired and dispirited when I haven’t ticked everything off my stuff to do list for instance? Sound familiar?

So I have decided to make a concerted effort not to be so hard on myself in the future, to be a little bit more compassionate and kind to myself as well  as to others. We all fail and make mistakes. It’s how we learn to become better people.

Forgiving myself for such mistakes is a small step but an important one.

Begin Again
Buddha Quote by Hartwig HKD courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-ND 2.0 https://flic.kr/p/dtMGUq https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/
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Even the strong need to be weak sometimes

strength
Strength by Michael Havens courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/vAX44i   https://goo.gl/aJSpTq

Are you one of those people who others turn to in times of crisis? Are you the shoulder to lean on? The one who sorts things out and makes people feel better? I am one of those people and I like the fact that others feel they can rely on me and that they see me as someone who they can trust to help them. But what happen when it’s you who needs the help?

It is one thing to give help to others, it’s quite another to accept help in return or even to ask for it. To those of us who think of ourselves as strong it’s hard to let go and admit there are some things you simply cannot handle on your own.

cant-bear-to-look
Can’t bear to look by Rennett Stowe courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/5YyXJW    https://goo.gl/aJSpTq

Strong people often take pride in their strength and their ability to cope. They feel sorry for those weaker than themselves who cannot ride the tides of life quite so well. But even for the strongest amongst us, life can sometimes drag you down to your knees and when it does it takes a different kind of strength to reach out and grab the hands being offered to you.

Lemur giving hands
Lemur Giving Hands by Tambako The Jaguar courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons licensed by CC BY-ND 2.0

https://flic.kr/p/dFqy4S    https://goo.gl/VAhsB

So next time life batters you around the head don’t let pride stop you asking for help, give yourself permission to be weak, just for a little while because the real strength is in knowing you don’t have to be strong all the time.